Source: http://lifestyle.msn.com/relationships/loveandromance/articlerb.aspx?cp-documentid=5682344
But what do those racy scenarios you love to imagine really say about you?
By Lindsey Palmer
Just because you fantasize about sex atop the Eiffel Tower doesn't mean you want to get arrested in Paris. So what are you really lusting after? Sex therapist and REDBOOK Love Network expert Laura Berman, Ph.D., author of The Passion Prescription, interprets some common sexual fantasies and offers tips for how to (safely!) bring them to life in a bedroom near you.
YOUR FANTASY: Sex in public
"Imagining an audience that's lusting after your own sexual excitement is empowering," says Berman. "Plus, the idea of having sex in an off-limits place is titillating because of the forbidden factor." Incorporate a little exhibitionism into your sex life by making out passionately with your partner in public or slipping into the bathroom during a party for some surreptitious everything-but. At home, share with him your thoughts of being watched, or just imagine there are peepers present for your private party.
YOUR FANTASY: Experimenting with another woman
"It's fun and natural to embrace the fluidity of your sexual interest by imagining becoming sexual with another woman," says Berman. Just sharing these thoughts with your partner can spice things up, but to go beyond that, Berman suggests spotting women you're attracted to while out and telling your partner what intrigues you about them. Hang on to these visuals for when you're back at home in bed.
YOUR FANTASY: Handcuffs and whips
Bondage scenarios are often about power, says Berman. "It's thrilling to think about being tied up and at your partner's mercy — where your only option is to receive pleasure, without responsibility, guilt, or self-consciousness," she explains. "And for those who imagine playing dominatrix, it can be exciting to envision taking total control." Even if you're not ready for whips and chains, try tipping the balance of power in bed: One partner can blindfold the other or tie his or her wrists together with a silk scarf. Or trade off being completely in charge — first your partner does everything you say, then next time you do his bidding.
YOUR FANTASY: A threesome
"Imagining a three-way scenario allows you to mix up your sex life with someone new, without actually cheating," says Berman. "And monogamy can be a real challenge for any long-term relationship." You can enjoy this fantasy on your own during masturbation or share it with your partner. "You or your guy can pretend there's a third person present, then narrate the imagined scenario," says Berman. A few things to explore: Imagine being serviced by your husband plus another man, with all attention on you; or identify potential thirds when you're out together, then take those images back into the bedroom.
YOUR FANTASY: Sex with a stranger
"The idea of being with a stranger is exciting because it's a clean-slate, no-complications situation," says Berman. "You can allow yourself to really let loose when fantasizing about sex with someone you're never going to see again." You and your man can become strangers to each other by role-playing. "Head separately to the same bar and then have fun flirting and picking each other up as if you've never met before," says Berman. "When it comes time to go 'home' together, try taking the party to the bar's bathroom or to a hotel — anywhere but where you usually make love." Take it up a notch by wearing disguises or trying on pretend personalities to really become unknown to each other — and to yourselves. Stepping back and looking at your man as if for the first time is also a great way to rediscover the heat that originally brought you two together.
YOUR STEAMY DAYDREAM?
REDBOOK readers share just how wild their imaginations can get.
"When I'm on my own, I fantasize about being intimate with another woman. Together, my husband and I talk through what it would be like to have a threesome — our descriptions really turn us on."
—Katherine Becker, 31 Chandler, AZ
"I dream about having sex on the beach. Sex in public seems so adventurous, and hearing the roar of the waves in the background would be sexy and special."
—Stefanie Schmidt, 29 Las Vegas
"I think about a teacher I had a crush on in high school. I'm a schoolgirl again and we're alone in his room. He compliments my perfume and things escalate from there!"
—Barbara Stanley, 52 Blairsville, GA
"I fantasize about being seduced by one of the hot guys on General Hospital. He meets me in a candlelit room, and as soft music plays in the background, he undresses me slowly and then makes love to me."
—Destiny Eve Pifer, 25 Bedford, PA
"I think about a 22-year-old cabana boy who works at my beach club. He's tall, tan, and extremely good-looking, and he struts around the pool area wearing next to nothing. Let's just say I've gotten quite the fodder for my daydreams!"
—Suzanne Coppersmith, 43 East Rockaway, NY
"In my fantasy, I imagine myself in a thong, Manolo stilettos, and a couple of yards of diamonds dripping down to my tanned navel, parading around an ultrachic beach in Saint-Tropez. A billionaire picks me up, licks Cristal off of my hot, wet body, and then makes savage, wild love to me."
—Gerri Ward, 45, Detroit
"Whipped cream and chocolate syrup — plain and simple!"
—Kristi Zieger, 39 Yakima, WA
LOVE THE ONE YOU'RE WITH: Having sex with a current partner is the number one fantasy for both men and women.
WE KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING ABOUT: Sex pops into women's brains an average of 4.5 times per day, according to a study of college students.
16 April 2008
09 April 2008
What Keeps a Man Crazy in Love
Source: http://lifestyle.msn.com/relationships/loveandromance/articlerb.aspx?cp-documentid=6394926>1=32001
It's (surprise!) the little things. Learn how to make the steak of his dreams, play poker like one of the boys — and 11 other moves that'll super-glue your marriage.
By Susan Korones Gifford
So far you've gotten along just fine as a wife, riding on your considerable skills as a lover, best friend, and career adviser. But why sit still? Why not, instead, be a surprising, fun, smart, knows-it-all-does-it-all wife who just blows him away with her wonderfulness? Sound exhausting? Guess again. REDBOOK has compiled an essential list of wifely skills guys love — along with easy secrets for mastering them from the experts who should know. Learn each at your leisure, then spring them on him gradually, adding layer upon layer of, well, awe.
Oh, and by the way, here's what's in it for you: a totally content and grateful husband, a more playful and interesting marriage, and the proud feeling you'll get every time you take on a new challenge — and triumph!
Play Poker
Why: So you can socialize his way for a change.
How: The most popular home version of this casino classic is seven-card stud, says Debbie Burkhead, a professional poker player in Las Vegas. How it works: The dealer gives each player three cards, two of them facedown (you can look at your own). You place your first bet this round, "seeing" (matching) or "raising" (increasing) the previous bet, depending on the quality of your hand. (If it's really bad, you can "fold," meaning that you opt out of a hand.) After a round of betting, each player gets another card, until all players either have folded or are holding seven cards. The winner of the pot is the player with the best five of seven cards.
So how do you know how good your hand is? Hands rank as follows, from best to worst; each hand beats all the hands listed below it. The higher your cards in any given hand, the better; aces are high, deuces (2s) are low.
Straight flush: five cards of the same suit, in sequence (e.g., 5, 6, 7, 8, and 9 of clubs)
Full house: a pair and a triple (e.g., two 3s, three 4s)
Flush: five cards of one suit, in any order
Straight: five cards in sequence, in any suit
Three of a kind: three cards of the same number
Two pairs: two sets of two cards of the same number
One pair: two cards of the same number.
Give the Perfect Backrub
Why: Because there's more than one way to make a guy moan in complete and utter satisfaction.
How: Make him putty in your hands with these tips from Roberta Rolnick, spa supervisor at the Ojai Valley Inn and Spa in California.
1. Set the stage: Dim the lights, put on calming music, and light some candles. Then have him lie down on a mat (since it's firmer than a bed).
2. Add a few drops of essential oil (such as lavender, which is calming, or citrus for a more invigorating rub) to mild vegetable oil (meaning something with no scent — say, corn or canola oil rather than peanut or olive). Kneel, either at his head or by his side. Now pour a quarter-size drop of oil into one palm, rub your hands together, and hold them about an inch above his body, moving your hands up his spine "so he can sense the heat," says Rolnick.
3. Slowly slide your hands down his upper back, down both sides of his spine, and over his sacrum (the triangular bone at the base of his spine). Gently squeeze his buttocks, then hook your fingertips under his hipbones (one hand per hipbone) and run your hands up his sides, with your thumb on top and your fingers cupped around his rib cage; then let your hands travel across his shoulders and up his neck. Rest them on the back of his head.
4. Get ready to work it. Begin stroking up the sides of his back, gradually increasing pressure and eventually putting your full weight on the heels of your palms or even your elbows. Move parallel to his spine or zigzag your hands across it: Tuck both hands under one side, then draw them alternately across his back, letting one hand overlap with the other. Another neat trick: Knead fleshy areas, such as his bottom, with your fists (but don't apply direct pressure to bony areas, like the spine).
5. For a fabulous finish, try "feathering": lightly brushing his body with your fingertips. "That really soothes the nerves," says Rolnick. "Some people can take an hour of just that."
Tie His Tie for Him
Why: Because it's such a sexy, retro, little-wifey move.
How: To make the classic half-Windsor knot, says Lino Zanella, a salesman at the fabulously fashionable Louis Boston fine-clothing store in Boston, hang the tie around his neck, with the narrow end on his left side and the wide end hanging down about twice as long on his right side. Cross the wide end over (to his left), under (to his right), and then back over the narrow end. Now pull the wide end up through the opening at his neck and down through the loop you've just made. Tighten the knot, but not all the way. Putting your thumb or forefinger just below the knot, make that small, sexy dimple you've seen on men of style, then pull the knot up to his neck and tighten it.
Make a Mean Steak
Why: That hulking slab o' beef appeals to his most manly side.
How: Go for a porterhouse cut of USDA prime beef. Because it's part filet and part sirloin, you get two super-rich cuts in one, says William Rice, author of Steak Lover's Cookbook. (You're most likely to find it at a butcher shop.) "Make sure it's cherry red," says Rice. "The less red a cut of steak, the drier it will be." Also, look for a cut with flecks of fat throughout and with close-trimmed white fat around the border. (Hey, he doesn't eat like this every day.)
Pan-Broiled Porterhouse Steak: Sprinkle one side of a 1 3/4-pound porterhouse steak with 1/4 teaspoon freshly ground pepper and 1 tablespoon chopped fresh thyme; pat the seasonings into the meat. Coat a plate with 1 tablespoon vegetable oil and place the steak, seasoned side down, on the plate. Sprinkle 1/4 teaspoon freshly ground pepper and 1 tablespoon chopped fresh thyme on top of the steak and drizzle with 1 tablespoon vegetable oil; let stand at room temperature for 30 minutes. Lightly coat the bottom of a cast-iron or other heavy-bottomed skillet with vegetable oil using a paper towel. Heat the skillet on medium high until hot. Place the steak in the skillet and cook 5 minutes; turn and cook 5 minutes more for medium rare, or to desired degree of doneness. Let stand 5 minutes and then slice.
Wake Him Up in the Morning
Why: So he'll start his day with a smile — at the very least.
How: To hand your man a sexy surprise one morning, Gregory Godek, author of 1001 Ways to Be Romantic, suggests taking off that supersize T-shirt and slipping into a satiny nightie. Then climb back into bed and start nuzzling his neck, rubbing his back, maybe landing a few butterfly kisses (softly flutter your eyelashes against his skin) on his cheek. As he crawls toward consciousness, murmur, "Open your eyes: I've got a surprise for you." Just make sure you turn off the alarm; you're not going to want any interruptions after that.
Give Him a Barbershop Shave
Why: He'll get a sexy little thrill from letting you wield all the power while he submits to your capable hands.
How: Give it to him the way some of the most powerful men in the country get theirs — at Senate Hair Care, next door to the Capitol building in Washington, DC. The shop's manager (who discreetly declined to disclose his name) says: Recline his chair or have him lean back in a comfy easy chair (place some towels on the floor, unless you're planning to schlep furniture into the bathroom). Wrap his face and neck in a hot, wet towel to soften his whiskers and baby his skin; leave on until cool (some guys — senators and countrymen alike — enjoy a second towel treatment). Then slather his face and neck with lotion or shaving cream.
Now you're (both) ready: Moving around him as you work with his razor, shave with (not against) the hair growth. Start at one sideburn and shave down to the neck, slowly working around his face. Repeat the hot-towel routine, then shave again — this time against (not with) the growth — and from the neck up. One more hot towel, please, and then a cold one to close the pores and perk him up. End with more conditioning cream or a splash of aftershave. He'll feel smooth, pampered, refreshed, and ready for...anything.
Strip
Why: Because he really — please, baby, please — wants you to.
How: Visualize yourself strutting your stuff in a way you can be comfortable with, advises Lily Burana, a former stripper and author of Strip City, an account of her farewell take-it-off tour: "Maybe something kittenish, coy and old-fashioned — all feather fans and boas," she says. "Or something bold and crazy, like pole dancing, or more 1930s cabaret." This will help get you in the mood for showtime, and only when you feel sexy, Burana explains, can you act sexy. Attitude trumps attire here, so no need to drop a bundle on that Elizabeth Berkley costume. Instead opt for clothing with easy closures (snaps, not buttons) or no closures, such as a simple sexy slip.
Music is optional; rehearsal is not. "Do a dry run, just you and the mirror, testing out moves," says Burana, like slinking with your arms above your head, slowly twirling, maybe teasingly flashing a little flesh. "Dance for a while, then practice sliding the straps of the slip off your shoulders and pulling it down over your hips or up over your head," she says. "When you feel comfortable with the movements, they start to look good."
Embarrassed? Shy? This will help: "Keep on your feather boa or scarf — which makes a great prop anyway — or your bra or panties," says Burana. "Plenty of strippers have made a mint by holding something back, so it's not just a good psychological comfort, it's a great gimmick!"
Have a Conversation with His Boss
Why: Because he or she is the adult who, after you, matters most in your husband's daily life. So you want to play it just right.
How: Forget everything you've ever learned about getting in there and impressing people, says Julie Dolan, wife of a company exec and one of five sisters who host the ABC Radio Network talk show Satellite Sisters. This one's all about old-fashioned self-effacement. Job one, says Dolan, is to let the boss shine. So go bright-eyed when he rambles on about the cooking course he took in Provence. Job two: Let your husband shine. Bring the conversation around to your guy's interests or lead him into a story that you know he tells well. Only when the time is right (i.e., when there's a lull and you sense it's your turn) should you let yourself shine a little, says Dolan. "Be ready to talk about something — perhaps a nonpolitical event in the news, maybe a book you've read — if only because it's simply good etiquette to be able to hold up your end of a conversation."
Oh, and do be business-sensitive. "You need to know what's going on," says Dolan, so you won't launch into a big discussion about your big shopping spree the day the company's stock did a nosedive. The flip side is, don't show you know too much, either. His boss values discretion; she's aware that your husband passes office gossip and inside information along to you, but she won't appreciate hearing you flaunt the details of some junior exec's pilfering of the petty-cash account.
Throw Him a Super Surprise Party
Why: Because he'll never forget that you made him feel so special.
How: Consider a twist on the old crowd-jumps-up-from-behind-the-couch routine: the semi-surprise, says Ilene Rosenzweig, an author of Swell: A Girl's Guide to the Good Life. Let him in on your plans, just not on all your plans. To wit: Rosenzweig once told her guy she was taking him to a country lodge for a few days to celebrate his birthday — but didn't mention that several friends of his would show up throughout the weekend. If you're taking the party path, invite some completely unexpected guests, like his favorite high school math teacher or an old boss, she says, "to give it that added This Is Your Life frisson."
Leave Him a Sexy Voice Mail at Work
Why: So he'll have a really compelling reason to get home on time.
How: You want to be suggestive and provocative — not so explicit that he has to cover his lap at his next meeting. Just turn on your sweetest or most sultry voice and murmur something like the following, suggests sex therapist Gloria Brame, Ph.D., a former phone-sex operator:
"Do you remember when you asked me to [fill in the blank with some sexual request from him that you were too tired or timid to act on]? I've been thinking about it all day, and I can't wait to see you tonight!"
"I was going through my lingerie drawer and remembered how you get when I wear [fill in the blank]. Well...I'm planning to wear it tonight."
"I've spent the last hour thinking about how incredibly sexy you are, and how you're the only man who can turn me on. When you get home tonight, I want to prove it to you."
Quote at Least Three Lines from The Godfather
Why: Guys believe the Corleones know what it is to be a man. Yours just wants to know you get it. Capisce?
How: Memorize these quotations:
1. "A man in my position can't afford to be made to look ridiculous."
2. "In my home! In my bedroom! Where my wife sleeps! Where my children come and play with their toys!"
3. "Fredo, you're my older brother, and I love you. But don't ever take sides with anyone against the family again. Ever."
4. "Leave the gun. Take the cannoli."
Make Heart-Melting Chocolate-Chip Cookies
Why: Because they're the essence of wholesome, and he knows you're not. A potent combination.
How: For a truly spectacular variation that my own husband swears makes him stick around, try this recipe. (A little inside scoop for you: It's the high ratio of brown to white sugar and the addition of oats that makes them so special.)
Ultimate Chocolate-Chip Cookies
Whisk together 1 1/2 cups flour, 1 teaspoon baking soda, and 1 teaspoon salt; set aside. Beat together 1 cup butter-flavored solid vegetable shortening, 1/2 cup sugar, 1 cup light brown sugar, and 1 teaspoon vanilla until creamy. Beat in 2 eggs until light and fluffy. Gradually beat in the flour mixture and 2 cups old-fashioned oats. Stir in a 12-ounce package of semisweet chocolate chips. Drop batter by tablespoonfuls onto parchment-lined baking sheets and bake at 350° for 10 to 12 minutes. Makes 52 cookies.
Kick His Style Up a Notch
Why: Initially, for your own pleasure. But then the compliments will start rolling in, and he'll seek out your impeccable advice.
How: Tiny touches make the man, says salesman Zanella. Try these style shifts:
1. Replace solid sport or dress shirts with a pattern — for instance, stripes or a small check. Some nice color combinations: light blue and white, and gray or khaki with black.
2. Striped ties, in all kinds of colors, are back, so grab a handful.
3. If he's reasonably fit, ditch the pleated pants and get him into a pair of flat-fronts; they're sexy and stylish.
4. Invest in a casual suit — say, for this time of year, a linen one in a light shade of brown, blue, or gray. Patch pockets (pockets sewn onto, rather than into, the jacket) are another casual touch. His new duds will do double duty as a sports jacket when worn with jeans or khakis.
5. Replace his raincoat with a newly fashionable three-quarter-length coat that hits just above or below the knee.
It's (surprise!) the little things. Learn how to make the steak of his dreams, play poker like one of the boys — and 11 other moves that'll super-glue your marriage.
By Susan Korones Gifford
So far you've gotten along just fine as a wife, riding on your considerable skills as a lover, best friend, and career adviser. But why sit still? Why not, instead, be a surprising, fun, smart, knows-it-all-does-it-all wife who just blows him away with her wonderfulness? Sound exhausting? Guess again. REDBOOK has compiled an essential list of wifely skills guys love — along with easy secrets for mastering them from the experts who should know. Learn each at your leisure, then spring them on him gradually, adding layer upon layer of, well, awe.
Oh, and by the way, here's what's in it for you: a totally content and grateful husband, a more playful and interesting marriage, and the proud feeling you'll get every time you take on a new challenge — and triumph!
Play Poker
Why: So you can socialize his way for a change.
How: The most popular home version of this casino classic is seven-card stud, says Debbie Burkhead, a professional poker player in Las Vegas. How it works: The dealer gives each player three cards, two of them facedown (you can look at your own). You place your first bet this round, "seeing" (matching) or "raising" (increasing) the previous bet, depending on the quality of your hand. (If it's really bad, you can "fold," meaning that you opt out of a hand.) After a round of betting, each player gets another card, until all players either have folded or are holding seven cards. The winner of the pot is the player with the best five of seven cards.
So how do you know how good your hand is? Hands rank as follows, from best to worst; each hand beats all the hands listed below it. The higher your cards in any given hand, the better; aces are high, deuces (2s) are low.
Straight flush: five cards of the same suit, in sequence (e.g., 5, 6, 7, 8, and 9 of clubs)
Full house: a pair and a triple (e.g., two 3s, three 4s)
Flush: five cards of one suit, in any order
Straight: five cards in sequence, in any suit
Three of a kind: three cards of the same number
Two pairs: two sets of two cards of the same number
One pair: two cards of the same number.
Give the Perfect Backrub
Why: Because there's more than one way to make a guy moan in complete and utter satisfaction.
How: Make him putty in your hands with these tips from Roberta Rolnick, spa supervisor at the Ojai Valley Inn and Spa in California.
1. Set the stage: Dim the lights, put on calming music, and light some candles. Then have him lie down on a mat (since it's firmer than a bed).
2. Add a few drops of essential oil (such as lavender, which is calming, or citrus for a more invigorating rub) to mild vegetable oil (meaning something with no scent — say, corn or canola oil rather than peanut or olive). Kneel, either at his head or by his side. Now pour a quarter-size drop of oil into one palm, rub your hands together, and hold them about an inch above his body, moving your hands up his spine "so he can sense the heat," says Rolnick.
3. Slowly slide your hands down his upper back, down both sides of his spine, and over his sacrum (the triangular bone at the base of his spine). Gently squeeze his buttocks, then hook your fingertips under his hipbones (one hand per hipbone) and run your hands up his sides, with your thumb on top and your fingers cupped around his rib cage; then let your hands travel across his shoulders and up his neck. Rest them on the back of his head.
4. Get ready to work it. Begin stroking up the sides of his back, gradually increasing pressure and eventually putting your full weight on the heels of your palms or even your elbows. Move parallel to his spine or zigzag your hands across it: Tuck both hands under one side, then draw them alternately across his back, letting one hand overlap with the other. Another neat trick: Knead fleshy areas, such as his bottom, with your fists (but don't apply direct pressure to bony areas, like the spine).
5. For a fabulous finish, try "feathering": lightly brushing his body with your fingertips. "That really soothes the nerves," says Rolnick. "Some people can take an hour of just that."
Tie His Tie for Him
Why: Because it's such a sexy, retro, little-wifey move.
How: To make the classic half-Windsor knot, says Lino Zanella, a salesman at the fabulously fashionable Louis Boston fine-clothing store in Boston, hang the tie around his neck, with the narrow end on his left side and the wide end hanging down about twice as long on his right side. Cross the wide end over (to his left), under (to his right), and then back over the narrow end. Now pull the wide end up through the opening at his neck and down through the loop you've just made. Tighten the knot, but not all the way. Putting your thumb or forefinger just below the knot, make that small, sexy dimple you've seen on men of style, then pull the knot up to his neck and tighten it.
Make a Mean Steak
Why: That hulking slab o' beef appeals to his most manly side.
How: Go for a porterhouse cut of USDA prime beef. Because it's part filet and part sirloin, you get two super-rich cuts in one, says William Rice, author of Steak Lover's Cookbook. (You're most likely to find it at a butcher shop.) "Make sure it's cherry red," says Rice. "The less red a cut of steak, the drier it will be." Also, look for a cut with flecks of fat throughout and with close-trimmed white fat around the border. (Hey, he doesn't eat like this every day.)
Pan-Broiled Porterhouse Steak: Sprinkle one side of a 1 3/4-pound porterhouse steak with 1/4 teaspoon freshly ground pepper and 1 tablespoon chopped fresh thyme; pat the seasonings into the meat. Coat a plate with 1 tablespoon vegetable oil and place the steak, seasoned side down, on the plate. Sprinkle 1/4 teaspoon freshly ground pepper and 1 tablespoon chopped fresh thyme on top of the steak and drizzle with 1 tablespoon vegetable oil; let stand at room temperature for 30 minutes. Lightly coat the bottom of a cast-iron or other heavy-bottomed skillet with vegetable oil using a paper towel. Heat the skillet on medium high until hot. Place the steak in the skillet and cook 5 minutes; turn and cook 5 minutes more for medium rare, or to desired degree of doneness. Let stand 5 minutes and then slice.
Wake Him Up in the Morning
Why: So he'll start his day with a smile — at the very least.
How: To hand your man a sexy surprise one morning, Gregory Godek, author of 1001 Ways to Be Romantic, suggests taking off that supersize T-shirt and slipping into a satiny nightie. Then climb back into bed and start nuzzling his neck, rubbing his back, maybe landing a few butterfly kisses (softly flutter your eyelashes against his skin) on his cheek. As he crawls toward consciousness, murmur, "Open your eyes: I've got a surprise for you." Just make sure you turn off the alarm; you're not going to want any interruptions after that.
Give Him a Barbershop Shave
Why: He'll get a sexy little thrill from letting you wield all the power while he submits to your capable hands.
How: Give it to him the way some of the most powerful men in the country get theirs — at Senate Hair Care, next door to the Capitol building in Washington, DC. The shop's manager (who discreetly declined to disclose his name) says: Recline his chair or have him lean back in a comfy easy chair (place some towels on the floor, unless you're planning to schlep furniture into the bathroom). Wrap his face and neck in a hot, wet towel to soften his whiskers and baby his skin; leave on until cool (some guys — senators and countrymen alike — enjoy a second towel treatment). Then slather his face and neck with lotion or shaving cream.
Now you're (both) ready: Moving around him as you work with his razor, shave with (not against) the hair growth. Start at one sideburn and shave down to the neck, slowly working around his face. Repeat the hot-towel routine, then shave again — this time against (not with) the growth — and from the neck up. One more hot towel, please, and then a cold one to close the pores and perk him up. End with more conditioning cream or a splash of aftershave. He'll feel smooth, pampered, refreshed, and ready for...anything.
Strip
Why: Because he really — please, baby, please — wants you to.
How: Visualize yourself strutting your stuff in a way you can be comfortable with, advises Lily Burana, a former stripper and author of Strip City, an account of her farewell take-it-off tour: "Maybe something kittenish, coy and old-fashioned — all feather fans and boas," she says. "Or something bold and crazy, like pole dancing, or more 1930s cabaret." This will help get you in the mood for showtime, and only when you feel sexy, Burana explains, can you act sexy. Attitude trumps attire here, so no need to drop a bundle on that Elizabeth Berkley costume. Instead opt for clothing with easy closures (snaps, not buttons) or no closures, such as a simple sexy slip.
Music is optional; rehearsal is not. "Do a dry run, just you and the mirror, testing out moves," says Burana, like slinking with your arms above your head, slowly twirling, maybe teasingly flashing a little flesh. "Dance for a while, then practice sliding the straps of the slip off your shoulders and pulling it down over your hips or up over your head," she says. "When you feel comfortable with the movements, they start to look good."
Embarrassed? Shy? This will help: "Keep on your feather boa or scarf — which makes a great prop anyway — or your bra or panties," says Burana. "Plenty of strippers have made a mint by holding something back, so it's not just a good psychological comfort, it's a great gimmick!"
Have a Conversation with His Boss
Why: Because he or she is the adult who, after you, matters most in your husband's daily life. So you want to play it just right.
How: Forget everything you've ever learned about getting in there and impressing people, says Julie Dolan, wife of a company exec and one of five sisters who host the ABC Radio Network talk show Satellite Sisters. This one's all about old-fashioned self-effacement. Job one, says Dolan, is to let the boss shine. So go bright-eyed when he rambles on about the cooking course he took in Provence. Job two: Let your husband shine. Bring the conversation around to your guy's interests or lead him into a story that you know he tells well. Only when the time is right (i.e., when there's a lull and you sense it's your turn) should you let yourself shine a little, says Dolan. "Be ready to talk about something — perhaps a nonpolitical event in the news, maybe a book you've read — if only because it's simply good etiquette to be able to hold up your end of a conversation."
Oh, and do be business-sensitive. "You need to know what's going on," says Dolan, so you won't launch into a big discussion about your big shopping spree the day the company's stock did a nosedive. The flip side is, don't show you know too much, either. His boss values discretion; she's aware that your husband passes office gossip and inside information along to you, but she won't appreciate hearing you flaunt the details of some junior exec's pilfering of the petty-cash account.
Throw Him a Super Surprise Party
Why: Because he'll never forget that you made him feel so special.
How: Consider a twist on the old crowd-jumps-up-from-behind-the-couch routine: the semi-surprise, says Ilene Rosenzweig, an author of Swell: A Girl's Guide to the Good Life. Let him in on your plans, just not on all your plans. To wit: Rosenzweig once told her guy she was taking him to a country lodge for a few days to celebrate his birthday — but didn't mention that several friends of his would show up throughout the weekend. If you're taking the party path, invite some completely unexpected guests, like his favorite high school math teacher or an old boss, she says, "to give it that added This Is Your Life frisson."
Leave Him a Sexy Voice Mail at Work
Why: So he'll have a really compelling reason to get home on time.
How: You want to be suggestive and provocative — not so explicit that he has to cover his lap at his next meeting. Just turn on your sweetest or most sultry voice and murmur something like the following, suggests sex therapist Gloria Brame, Ph.D., a former phone-sex operator:
"Do you remember when you asked me to [fill in the blank with some sexual request from him that you were too tired or timid to act on]? I've been thinking about it all day, and I can't wait to see you tonight!"
"I was going through my lingerie drawer and remembered how you get when I wear [fill in the blank]. Well...I'm planning to wear it tonight."
"I've spent the last hour thinking about how incredibly sexy you are, and how you're the only man who can turn me on. When you get home tonight, I want to prove it to you."
Quote at Least Three Lines from The Godfather
Why: Guys believe the Corleones know what it is to be a man. Yours just wants to know you get it. Capisce?
How: Memorize these quotations:
1. "A man in my position can't afford to be made to look ridiculous."
2. "In my home! In my bedroom! Where my wife sleeps! Where my children come and play with their toys!"
3. "Fredo, you're my older brother, and I love you. But don't ever take sides with anyone against the family again. Ever."
4. "Leave the gun. Take the cannoli."
Make Heart-Melting Chocolate-Chip Cookies
Why: Because they're the essence of wholesome, and he knows you're not. A potent combination.
How: For a truly spectacular variation that my own husband swears makes him stick around, try this recipe. (A little inside scoop for you: It's the high ratio of brown to white sugar and the addition of oats that makes them so special.)
Ultimate Chocolate-Chip Cookies
Whisk together 1 1/2 cups flour, 1 teaspoon baking soda, and 1 teaspoon salt; set aside. Beat together 1 cup butter-flavored solid vegetable shortening, 1/2 cup sugar, 1 cup light brown sugar, and 1 teaspoon vanilla until creamy. Beat in 2 eggs until light and fluffy. Gradually beat in the flour mixture and 2 cups old-fashioned oats. Stir in a 12-ounce package of semisweet chocolate chips. Drop batter by tablespoonfuls onto parchment-lined baking sheets and bake at 350° for 10 to 12 minutes. Makes 52 cookies.
Kick His Style Up a Notch
Why: Initially, for your own pleasure. But then the compliments will start rolling in, and he'll seek out your impeccable advice.
How: Tiny touches make the man, says salesman Zanella. Try these style shifts:
1. Replace solid sport or dress shirts with a pattern — for instance, stripes or a small check. Some nice color combinations: light blue and white, and gray or khaki with black.
2. Striped ties, in all kinds of colors, are back, so grab a handful.
3. If he's reasonably fit, ditch the pleated pants and get him into a pair of flat-fronts; they're sexy and stylish.
4. Invest in a casual suit — say, for this time of year, a linen one in a light shade of brown, blue, or gray. Patch pockets (pockets sewn onto, rather than into, the jacket) are another casual touch. His new duds will do double duty as a sports jacket when worn with jeans or khakis.
5. Replace his raincoat with a newly fashionable three-quarter-length coat that hits just above or below the knee.
31 March 2008
True Dirty Story, anyone?
Do you ever have a dirty story untold?
Do you ever feel like you would like to share with someone about your dirty inside?
If yes, please write your own hot and spicy (not KFC) stories to me at onlymydarling@gmail.com.
Identity will be protected, don't worry.
Do you ever feel like you would like to share with someone about your dirty inside?
If yes, please write your own hot and spicy (not KFC) stories to me at onlymydarling@gmail.com.
Identity will be protected, don't worry.
28 March 2008
8 Kinds of Sex Every Couple Should Try
Source: http://lifestyle.msn.com/relationships/loveandromance/articlerb.aspx?cp-documentid=6394921
The hottest couples don't just have great sex — they have embarrassing sex, and make-up sex, and wild, can't-walk-the-next-day sex, and more. And the thing is, every kind of sex is crucial for your bond – yes, even couldn't-quite-stay-awake- to-finish sex. Here's how.
Sure, you and your guy have good sex. Ideally, you have fantastic sex, as often as possible. But there's more to a solid sex life than just straight-up great sex. A truly amazing sexual connection encompasses lots of different kinds of sex — maybe even ones you wouldn't expect. After all, your relationship isn't one-note, so why should your sex life be?
"You change, you age, and you grow as a couple in an emotional and an intellectual way," says Laura Meers, Ph.D., a psychologist in family practice in Columbus, OH. "Hopefully you're growing and changing sexually too. And the more dimensions there are in a relationship in general, the more you will see those dimensions reflected in your sex life."
See which kinds of sex you and your other half have hit so far. As for the ones you haven't, well...you know what to do.
1. Pushing-Your-Boundaries Sex
There's nothing like the moment when you're lying naked with the man you've known and loved for a long time, panting and puffing, thinking, Wow, we've never done that before.
"People in long-term relationships sometimes crave excitement and stimulation, but don't know how to get it with their partner," explains Meers, who adds that this is one of the reasons people stray outside the marriage. "But you can get that in your current relationship by pushing your regular comfort zone." If you're used to missionary, that may mean trying a new position or a new room in the house; if you're used to stimulation by body parts alone, it may be a sex toy thrown in the mix. And if you feel a little anxious about experimenting, says Meers, all the better: "The anxiety you feel about trying something new mimics what happens when you're with somebody new. So if you can create that feeling within the confines of an intimate, close, trusting relationship, you will keep reenergizing what you have."
And there's another important benefit: Pushing your boundaries helps build trust between you. "When you communicate a desire to your partner — and, ultimately, try it — you're taking a big risk together," says Anita Clayton, M.D., a professor at the University of Virginia's Department of Psychiatric Medicine and author of the book Satisfaction. Taking that risk, she says, is a bonding activity in and of itself.
2. Maintenance Sex
Let's face it — sex just isn't going to be an eye-gazing spiritual encounter every time. "Some couples think everything has to feel perfect, or you both have to be in a sexual mood to have sex, but if everyone waited for that, sex wouldn't happen very often at all," says Clayton. That's where maintenance sex comes in — when you just do it, even if your engine isn't necessarily raring for a ride.
Just-for-the-sake-of-it sex is vital to a long-term relationship, because no matter how much you love your family, your friends, or your kids, and no matter how much time you spend with them, you won't spend time like this with anyone else. "Sex is the one activity a couple has that excludes other people," says Clayton. "It keeps your bond unique and strong." By making a habit of it, you're building regular opportunities for connection into your lives.
Take it from Olivia, 33, a stay-at-home mom in New Jersey who relies on occasional maintenance sex to keep her relationship energized. "My husband always wants to do it, but as a new mom, I'm tired all the time," says Olivia. "But when I make the effort, I always feel closer to him afterward. Even if the sex is mediocre, it feels like we've come together and nothing can get in the way of our relationship."
And let's not forget how good regular sex is for you: It relieves stress, it burns calories, and it elevates your mood, says Meers. According to Olivia, it also keeps her sex drive steady: "Doing it sometimes when I'm not in the mood keeps me geared up for something much hotter other times."
3. Embarrassing-Moment Sex
It's bound to happen eventually: One of you emits an awkward grunt, your sweat-soaked skin slaps together in a cringe-inducing fashion, or your partner pulls or pushes in such a way as to create a "schluup" sound that both of you would like to forget. As mortifying as a moment like this may be — even with someone you've been with for a long time — it is a good reminder that sex is a raw, Discovery Channel kind of act. It's not supposed to be flawless. "Sex is full of smells and sights and sounds; it's natural," says Debra Herbenick, Ph.D., a researcher for the Kinsey Institute and associate director for the Center for Sexual Health Promotion at Indiana University. "You're having sex with human bodies, and they do funny things sometimes, and that's okay."
And your ability to deal with a red-in-the-face moment — whether you laugh it off or give each other a sympathetic squeeze — says a lot about the strength of your bond. "True intimacy is about being able to feel comfortable and real with each other in awkward, embarrassing situations," says Ruth Morehouse, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist and marriage and family therapist in Evergreen, CO.
Noelle, a 32-year-old grad student in Washington, DC, remembers her last embarrassing sex moment: "When my boyfriend pulled out, I had my first 'queef' moment, if I can use that word," says Noelle. "We'd been together two years by then, but we were both stunned and didn't know what to say. Finally I said, 'Whoops!' and we just carried on. I was almost relieved, like it was this big hurdle we finally got out of the way. And because, hey, it's normal."
4. Vacation Sex
"My husband and I had the best vacation sex recently in Hawaii," says Francine, a 36-year-old mother of two from New York City. "We were on the top floor of the resort, so we knew no one was above us to see or hear us. And the room had these huge floor-to-ceiling windows overlooking the ocean. It felt like we were having sex outdoors, but without the nuisance of the sand going up our butts!"
Ah, yes, the turn-on effect of the tropics. And thank goodness for it, because vacation sex is a vital part of a good sex life. "On vacation, you're at your most carefree, which means you can try new things you won't have to be accountable for at home," says Meers. In other words, you can have sex on the beach or in a car, or flirt madly in a restaurant, or, like Francine, have what feels like sex in public — all of which you might not do at home, for fear someone you know would see you or find out. "Taking risks like this adds to the excitement," says Meers. And ideally, you can bring that burst of excitement back home with you.
The point is, if life in the bedroom is feeling blah, it's often your surroundings that are getting stale, not your partner. So if you haven't had vacation sex lately, do it! You don't need a plane ticket to get started: "Head to a hotel downtown and call it a vacation," says Meers, who often recommends vacation sex to her clients. "You can look forward to it and build it up beforehand for even better sex."
5. Slow-Road-to-Sleep Sex
We all know by now that it's the journey that really matters in life, not the destination. In sex, that means not every sexual experience should be focused on getting to the orgasm(s). But the truth is, not every sexual experience leads anywhere at all. Some nights, you start out on the journey and you'd like to keep going, but, boy, sleep sounds so darn good too...and that's when things peter out.
Luckily, the experts say this kind of sex is still good for your bond. "Even acknowledging that you want your partner is important, whether or not you follow through," says Meers. If you feel sleep coming on, Meers suggests you say to your partner, "'I love you so much and I want you.' Just saying it out loud, that counts for a lot too." In the meantime, you're just two warm bodies who love each other and appreciate that a sweet, simple touch can be enough for the night.
6. Make-up Sex
It's been said you shouldn't go to bed angry. And sometimes, you can take that to a different extreme, ensuring that after a fight you go to bed happy — very, very happy. Yes, we're talking about the wild and intense world of make-up sex, when one minute you're reeling from anger, and the next you're rolling around making passionate love. Make-up sex works because after a fight, you're raw, exposed, and vulnerable — perfect conditions for intense, soul-to-soul physical bonding. "In many ways, make-up sex restores a level of closeness that you may feel was fractured by the argument," says Clayton. "Sex can repair that fracture."
One commonsense caveat: "Some people pick fights in order to be able to make up," says Clayton. Other couples ignore their real problems and have sex instead. If the only time you're getting along is when you're in the sack, maybe you should take a break from the make-ups and face your issues with your clothes on first.
7. Comfort Sex
If you're feeling sad, depressed, grieving, alone, or hurt, sex can be the perfect antidote. Why? Because it's the opposite of all those things — it's about being close, warm, loving, and together. And because sometimes talking about your troubles or sadness isn't what you want, while sex can be.
"My husband's mom had Parkinson's and a stroke, my dad had major heart surgery, and my mom had Alzheimer's, so my husband and I have spent a lot of time in bed comforting each other," explains Beth, 57, a former teacher and stay-at-home mom in Chicago. "In those times, sometimes it's full-penetration sex, sometimes it's just snuggling, sometimes it's manually stimulating each other, but for us it's important. It makes you remember why you're living. If you focus on the bad stuff to the end, it's not worth it. You have to focus on what makes you want to get up every morning, what makes you want to go through every day. And part of that, for us, is the sex."
That desire for a connection is not only common, says Morehouse, it's important as a life-affirming act in the face of grief. "Sex is a way of declaring your aliveness," says Morehouse. "It's a way of defending yourself against the inevitability of death or loss." Usually, she says, comfort sex is "more poignant, more sweet, and perhaps more emotional than usual" because the desire to connect to life is so great.
And that thriving, healing act can also help people who feel torn apart from each other during a difficult period. "Grief tends to drive a wedge between couples," says Clayton, noting that partners sometimes blame themselves, or each other, during a loss. "I've seen couples break up because something bad happens, but sex can help restore the intimate relationship you have. Instead of letting grief pull you apart, you can use it to pull each other close again."
8. Crazy Hang-from-the-Chandelier Sex
You know what we're talking about: wild, sweaty, so-good-it-makes-you-dizzy sex. No matter how long you've been together, you need to have earthshaking sex like this once in a while — even if it's once in a very long while. For long-term couples, having an extra-hot sexual experience is "like a flashback," says Morehouse. "It can stimulate those early feelings you had toward someone in the beginning, and it reminds you what you're capable of as a couple."
"People think the steamy stuff only happens before you are married or pre-kids, but we are going on 25 years of marriage and still have passionate hot sex!" says Maureen, a self-employed New Jersey mother of three in her mid-40s. She remembers one recent night that felt as hot as the old flames. "I'd just finished cooking dinner, and no kids were home. When my husband came in, he said he was going upstairs to change. But as he kissed me, it evolved from just talking about the day to sex on the kitchen counter. It was totally spontaneous and unexpected!"
This kind of sex is also important on a deeper level. "It requires a lot of intimacy to let your partner see you in the throes of sexual abandon," explains Morehouse. "When you display that side of yourself, you have to deal with questions like, What if my face gets purple or my eyes go back in my head? To express a higher level of sensuality like this is another way of being intimate." And let's not forget how much a toe-curling orgasm does to keep your eyes bright and your soul smiling!
The hottest couples don't just have great sex — they have embarrassing sex, and make-up sex, and wild, can't-walk-the-next-day sex, and more. And the thing is, every kind of sex is crucial for your bond – yes, even couldn't-quite-stay-awake- to-finish sex. Here's how.
Sure, you and your guy have good sex. Ideally, you have fantastic sex, as often as possible. But there's more to a solid sex life than just straight-up great sex. A truly amazing sexual connection encompasses lots of different kinds of sex — maybe even ones you wouldn't expect. After all, your relationship isn't one-note, so why should your sex life be?
"You change, you age, and you grow as a couple in an emotional and an intellectual way," says Laura Meers, Ph.D., a psychologist in family practice in Columbus, OH. "Hopefully you're growing and changing sexually too. And the more dimensions there are in a relationship in general, the more you will see those dimensions reflected in your sex life."
See which kinds of sex you and your other half have hit so far. As for the ones you haven't, well...you know what to do.
1. Pushing-Your-Boundaries Sex
There's nothing like the moment when you're lying naked with the man you've known and loved for a long time, panting and puffing, thinking, Wow, we've never done that before.
"People in long-term relationships sometimes crave excitement and stimulation, but don't know how to get it with their partner," explains Meers, who adds that this is one of the reasons people stray outside the marriage. "But you can get that in your current relationship by pushing your regular comfort zone." If you're used to missionary, that may mean trying a new position or a new room in the house; if you're used to stimulation by body parts alone, it may be a sex toy thrown in the mix. And if you feel a little anxious about experimenting, says Meers, all the better: "The anxiety you feel about trying something new mimics what happens when you're with somebody new. So if you can create that feeling within the confines of an intimate, close, trusting relationship, you will keep reenergizing what you have."
And there's another important benefit: Pushing your boundaries helps build trust between you. "When you communicate a desire to your partner — and, ultimately, try it — you're taking a big risk together," says Anita Clayton, M.D., a professor at the University of Virginia's Department of Psychiatric Medicine and author of the book Satisfaction. Taking that risk, she says, is a bonding activity in and of itself.
2. Maintenance Sex
Let's face it — sex just isn't going to be an eye-gazing spiritual encounter every time. "Some couples think everything has to feel perfect, or you both have to be in a sexual mood to have sex, but if everyone waited for that, sex wouldn't happen very often at all," says Clayton. That's where maintenance sex comes in — when you just do it, even if your engine isn't necessarily raring for a ride.
Just-for-the-sake-of-it sex is vital to a long-term relationship, because no matter how much you love your family, your friends, or your kids, and no matter how much time you spend with them, you won't spend time like this with anyone else. "Sex is the one activity a couple has that excludes other people," says Clayton. "It keeps your bond unique and strong." By making a habit of it, you're building regular opportunities for connection into your lives.
Take it from Olivia, 33, a stay-at-home mom in New Jersey who relies on occasional maintenance sex to keep her relationship energized. "My husband always wants to do it, but as a new mom, I'm tired all the time," says Olivia. "But when I make the effort, I always feel closer to him afterward. Even if the sex is mediocre, it feels like we've come together and nothing can get in the way of our relationship."
And let's not forget how good regular sex is for you: It relieves stress, it burns calories, and it elevates your mood, says Meers. According to Olivia, it also keeps her sex drive steady: "Doing it sometimes when I'm not in the mood keeps me geared up for something much hotter other times."
3. Embarrassing-Moment Sex
It's bound to happen eventually: One of you emits an awkward grunt, your sweat-soaked skin slaps together in a cringe-inducing fashion, or your partner pulls or pushes in such a way as to create a "schluup" sound that both of you would like to forget. As mortifying as a moment like this may be — even with someone you've been with for a long time — it is a good reminder that sex is a raw, Discovery Channel kind of act. It's not supposed to be flawless. "Sex is full of smells and sights and sounds; it's natural," says Debra Herbenick, Ph.D., a researcher for the Kinsey Institute and associate director for the Center for Sexual Health Promotion at Indiana University. "You're having sex with human bodies, and they do funny things sometimes, and that's okay."
And your ability to deal with a red-in-the-face moment — whether you laugh it off or give each other a sympathetic squeeze — says a lot about the strength of your bond. "True intimacy is about being able to feel comfortable and real with each other in awkward, embarrassing situations," says Ruth Morehouse, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist and marriage and family therapist in Evergreen, CO.
Noelle, a 32-year-old grad student in Washington, DC, remembers her last embarrassing sex moment: "When my boyfriend pulled out, I had my first 'queef' moment, if I can use that word," says Noelle. "We'd been together two years by then, but we were both stunned and didn't know what to say. Finally I said, 'Whoops!' and we just carried on. I was almost relieved, like it was this big hurdle we finally got out of the way. And because, hey, it's normal."
4. Vacation Sex
"My husband and I had the best vacation sex recently in Hawaii," says Francine, a 36-year-old mother of two from New York City. "We were on the top floor of the resort, so we knew no one was above us to see or hear us. And the room had these huge floor-to-ceiling windows overlooking the ocean. It felt like we were having sex outdoors, but without the nuisance of the sand going up our butts!"
Ah, yes, the turn-on effect of the tropics. And thank goodness for it, because vacation sex is a vital part of a good sex life. "On vacation, you're at your most carefree, which means you can try new things you won't have to be accountable for at home," says Meers. In other words, you can have sex on the beach or in a car, or flirt madly in a restaurant, or, like Francine, have what feels like sex in public — all of which you might not do at home, for fear someone you know would see you or find out. "Taking risks like this adds to the excitement," says Meers. And ideally, you can bring that burst of excitement back home with you.
The point is, if life in the bedroom is feeling blah, it's often your surroundings that are getting stale, not your partner. So if you haven't had vacation sex lately, do it! You don't need a plane ticket to get started: "Head to a hotel downtown and call it a vacation," says Meers, who often recommends vacation sex to her clients. "You can look forward to it and build it up beforehand for even better sex."
5. Slow-Road-to-Sleep Sex
We all know by now that it's the journey that really matters in life, not the destination. In sex, that means not every sexual experience should be focused on getting to the orgasm(s). But the truth is, not every sexual experience leads anywhere at all. Some nights, you start out on the journey and you'd like to keep going, but, boy, sleep sounds so darn good too...and that's when things peter out.
Luckily, the experts say this kind of sex is still good for your bond. "Even acknowledging that you want your partner is important, whether or not you follow through," says Meers. If you feel sleep coming on, Meers suggests you say to your partner, "'I love you so much and I want you.' Just saying it out loud, that counts for a lot too." In the meantime, you're just two warm bodies who love each other and appreciate that a sweet, simple touch can be enough for the night.
6. Make-up Sex
It's been said you shouldn't go to bed angry. And sometimes, you can take that to a different extreme, ensuring that after a fight you go to bed happy — very, very happy. Yes, we're talking about the wild and intense world of make-up sex, when one minute you're reeling from anger, and the next you're rolling around making passionate love. Make-up sex works because after a fight, you're raw, exposed, and vulnerable — perfect conditions for intense, soul-to-soul physical bonding. "In many ways, make-up sex restores a level of closeness that you may feel was fractured by the argument," says Clayton. "Sex can repair that fracture."
One commonsense caveat: "Some people pick fights in order to be able to make up," says Clayton. Other couples ignore their real problems and have sex instead. If the only time you're getting along is when you're in the sack, maybe you should take a break from the make-ups and face your issues with your clothes on first.
7. Comfort Sex
If you're feeling sad, depressed, grieving, alone, or hurt, sex can be the perfect antidote. Why? Because it's the opposite of all those things — it's about being close, warm, loving, and together. And because sometimes talking about your troubles or sadness isn't what you want, while sex can be.
"My husband's mom had Parkinson's and a stroke, my dad had major heart surgery, and my mom had Alzheimer's, so my husband and I have spent a lot of time in bed comforting each other," explains Beth, 57, a former teacher and stay-at-home mom in Chicago. "In those times, sometimes it's full-penetration sex, sometimes it's just snuggling, sometimes it's manually stimulating each other, but for us it's important. It makes you remember why you're living. If you focus on the bad stuff to the end, it's not worth it. You have to focus on what makes you want to get up every morning, what makes you want to go through every day. And part of that, for us, is the sex."
That desire for a connection is not only common, says Morehouse, it's important as a life-affirming act in the face of grief. "Sex is a way of declaring your aliveness," says Morehouse. "It's a way of defending yourself against the inevitability of death or loss." Usually, she says, comfort sex is "more poignant, more sweet, and perhaps more emotional than usual" because the desire to connect to life is so great.
And that thriving, healing act can also help people who feel torn apart from each other during a difficult period. "Grief tends to drive a wedge between couples," says Clayton, noting that partners sometimes blame themselves, or each other, during a loss. "I've seen couples break up because something bad happens, but sex can help restore the intimate relationship you have. Instead of letting grief pull you apart, you can use it to pull each other close again."
8. Crazy Hang-from-the-Chandelier Sex
You know what we're talking about: wild, sweaty, so-good-it-makes-you-dizzy sex. No matter how long you've been together, you need to have earthshaking sex like this once in a while — even if it's once in a very long while. For long-term couples, having an extra-hot sexual experience is "like a flashback," says Morehouse. "It can stimulate those early feelings you had toward someone in the beginning, and it reminds you what you're capable of as a couple."
"People think the steamy stuff only happens before you are married or pre-kids, but we are going on 25 years of marriage and still have passionate hot sex!" says Maureen, a self-employed New Jersey mother of three in her mid-40s. She remembers one recent night that felt as hot as the old flames. "I'd just finished cooking dinner, and no kids were home. When my husband came in, he said he was going upstairs to change. But as he kissed me, it evolved from just talking about the day to sex on the kitchen counter. It was totally spontaneous and unexpected!"
This kind of sex is also important on a deeper level. "It requires a lot of intimacy to let your partner see you in the throes of sexual abandon," explains Morehouse. "When you display that side of yourself, you have to deal with questions like, What if my face gets purple or my eyes go back in my head? To express a higher level of sensuality like this is another way of being intimate." And let's not forget how much a toe-curling orgasm does to keep your eyes bright and your soul smiling!
27 March 2008
Tonight, I am not a virgin anymore.
I reach home at late night. Time flies every time I meet up with Sherry. We didn't realize the sky went dark and the coffee house is closing, until the server gently reminds us.
"Hi sweetie. You're back finally. I thought you two girls were lost in the city." David greets me at doorstep while planting a kiss on my cheek.
David and I have been house-mate for more than a year, we rented a 2 bedrooms apartment somewhere our office, one room for each of us. This way we can save some time traveling to each other's house. Also, we can see if we can really live with each other. Seeing the increasing divorce rate due to incompatible lifestyle, we want to avoid that route.
"Oh...darling, I am sorry that I didn't call earlier. Did you have your dinner?" I forgot to call him that I am coming home late. Somehow, I wonder if he ever worry about me as he didn't call or sms me for the whole day.
"Nah, don't worry about that. I can take care of myself. I can see that you've enjoyed yourself very much with Sherry. How's she?"
This is why I like David so much. I can 'disappear' for the whole day without and disturbance from him. And when I get home late, he always welcome me with whole heart, no grumble no complaint. We give each other lots of freedom and space. Just the type of guy I need.
"She is doing fine. She asked about you too (I didn't mention the 'test out' part). Three of us should meet up for lunch or so someday, it would be great since you two are my closest person (except my parents, of course)."
"Come on sweetie. You know that somehow I don't agree with her lifestyle or her way of talking. I respect her as your best friend. Other than that, no way that I would like to have a deeper conservation with her." David is not happy with this idea. I should never suggest this again.
Trying to relax my worn out body, I take my time in the bath tub. Hhmmm... lavender shower gel, this is what I need most now. I like the ticklish feeling when the shower sponge rub against my neck, my breast, my tummy and my inner thight.
"Sweetie, are you alright? You have been inside for more than an hour" David knocks at the bathroom door.
"Yuuppp, I am ok here." Gosh, I nearly fall asleep. Time to get out of this comforting tub.
Hmmm...where is my towel? Nothing at the towel rack, nothing in the basin. Blur me, I must have forgotten to bring it in just now.
"DARLING, CAN YOU BRING ME MY TOWEL PLEASE?" I yell loudly so that he can hear me from his room.
"OK, GIMME A SEC." He yells back. I know this would take some times because he is halfway in his RPG. While waiting for him, I shall continue to enjoy my bath.
*knock knock*
I can see his hand with my towel at the door now, suddenly, I have this naughty idea.
"darling, can you please bring it in? I guess my legs are too numb that I can't get up now." I am lying without any guilt. My legs are totally fine. In fact, I am thinking of Sherry's suggestion: test him out.
"mmm...ok, I am coming in." I can hear some shaking in his voice.
Despite the fact that we have been living together for more than a year without sex, he never see me in birthday suit before. Well, he is brought up in a very conservative family, that nothing should happen before married. Today, I am going to test him to the max, I want to know if he is as normal as other guys.
There he comes to beside bathtub, while his face facing opposite direction.
"Darling, can you carry me out of the bathtub? I really can't get up by myself." I say it in very seductive voice.
I can feel his trembling hands cover the towel on my body. I can feel his heavy breath and his face getting red. Then he carries me from the bathtub and proceed to my bedroom to lay me on my bed. Along the way, I grab his neck tightly and fondle his hair. His body is getting warmer and warmer, which I am not sure if he is getting tired by carrying me, or it's just his physiological reaction.
The moment he places me on my bedroom, I have no intention of letting him go. My hands are around his neck firmly, and my eyes looking straight into his eyes.
Both of us are speechless.
"Darling, do you love me?"
"Of course I do."
"Do you want me?"
"Yes, I want you. I want you very much."
"Then what are you waiting for, darling?" I have to keep on encourage him.
"I am not sure if this is the right moment, sweetie. We haven't talk about wedding plan, we haven't plan for our future, we haven't..."
While he is hesitating, I take the initiative to kiss him. He responded back with a passionate kiss.
The next moment I know, we are both wearing nothing, working hard on the bed.
I believe we will be in great happiness for the rest of my life.
"Hi sweetie. You're back finally. I thought you two girls were lost in the city." David greets me at doorstep while planting a kiss on my cheek.
David and I have been house-mate for more than a year, we rented a 2 bedrooms apartment somewhere our office, one room for each of us. This way we can save some time traveling to each other's house. Also, we can see if we can really live with each other. Seeing the increasing divorce rate due to incompatible lifestyle, we want to avoid that route.
"Oh...darling, I am sorry that I didn't call earlier. Did you have your dinner?" I forgot to call him that I am coming home late. Somehow, I wonder if he ever worry about me as he didn't call or sms me for the whole day.
"Nah, don't worry about that. I can take care of myself. I can see that you've enjoyed yourself very much with Sherry. How's she?"
This is why I like David so much. I can 'disappear' for the whole day without and disturbance from him. And when I get home late, he always welcome me with whole heart, no grumble no complaint. We give each other lots of freedom and space. Just the type of guy I need.
"She is doing fine. She asked about you too (I didn't mention the 'test out' part). Three of us should meet up for lunch or so someday, it would be great since you two are my closest person (except my parents, of course)."
"Come on sweetie. You know that somehow I don't agree with her lifestyle or her way of talking. I respect her as your best friend. Other than that, no way that I would like to have a deeper conservation with her." David is not happy with this idea. I should never suggest this again.
Trying to relax my worn out body, I take my time in the bath tub. Hhmmm... lavender shower gel, this is what I need most now. I like the ticklish feeling when the shower sponge rub against my neck, my breast, my tummy and my inner thight.
"Sweetie, are you alright? You have been inside for more than an hour" David knocks at the bathroom door.
"Yuuppp, I am ok here." Gosh, I nearly fall asleep. Time to get out of this comforting tub.
Hmmm...where is my towel? Nothing at the towel rack, nothing in the basin. Blur me, I must have forgotten to bring it in just now.
"DARLING, CAN YOU BRING ME MY TOWEL PLEASE?" I yell loudly so that he can hear me from his room.
"OK, GIMME A SEC." He yells back. I know this would take some times because he is halfway in his RPG. While waiting for him, I shall continue to enjoy my bath.
*knock knock*
I can see his hand with my towel at the door now, suddenly, I have this naughty idea.
"darling, can you please bring it in? I guess my legs are too numb that I can't get up now." I am lying without any guilt. My legs are totally fine. In fact, I am thinking of Sherry's suggestion: test him out.
"mmm...ok, I am coming in." I can hear some shaking in his voice.
Despite the fact that we have been living together for more than a year without sex, he never see me in birthday suit before. Well, he is brought up in a very conservative family, that nothing should happen before married. Today, I am going to test him to the max, I want to know if he is as normal as other guys.
There he comes to beside bathtub, while his face facing opposite direction.
"Darling, can you carry me out of the bathtub? I really can't get up by myself." I say it in very seductive voice.
I can feel his trembling hands cover the towel on my body. I can feel his heavy breath and his face getting red. Then he carries me from the bathtub and proceed to my bedroom to lay me on my bed. Along the way, I grab his neck tightly and fondle his hair. His body is getting warmer and warmer, which I am not sure if he is getting tired by carrying me, or it's just his physiological reaction.
The moment he places me on my bedroom, I have no intention of letting him go. My hands are around his neck firmly, and my eyes looking straight into his eyes.
Both of us are speechless.
"Darling, do you love me?"
"Of course I do."
"Do you want me?"
"Yes, I want you. I want you very much."
"Then what are you waiting for, darling?" I have to keep on encourage him.
"I am not sure if this is the right moment, sweetie. We haven't talk about wedding plan, we haven't plan for our future, we haven't..."
While he is hesitating, I take the initiative to kiss him. He responded back with a passionate kiss.
The next moment I know, we are both wearing nothing, working hard on the bed.
I believe we will be in great happiness for the rest of my life.
26 March 2008
OMG, you are still a virgin?
Girls talk. Have you ever wonder what would a bunch of girls talk about in a coffee house?
Nothing surprising actually. Just like boys talk - girl and sex. Football perhaps, during the league season. Some nerdy one will talk about books and scientific term that you and I will never understand.
Majority, sex.
Sherry and I were sipping our tea (we are not a coffee person) at a cafe along the river. It has been months that we didn't see each other. It is normal for people at our age, where job and family are placed before friends. Lucky (or unlucky) for us, we don't have our own family yet. The job itself is keeping us occupied enough.
"Remember how we used to hang out everyday in school? I can't believe that now we have to actually make an appointment for girl's day out 2 weeks beforehand. This is ridiculous!" That's just typical Sherry. Same complaint every time we meet each other.
We were classmate in primary school. Since then, we have been best friend. We went to the same secondary school, same high school, and even same university. We know literally everything about each other, including our bra size.
"So, any updates?" I skip the whole redundant 'how's life' process and shoot into the main point.
"Not really. New boyfriend. Hot, good on bed, my type. So that's really nothing new." I agree. It would be a news if she has a same guy for months.
"How about you? Still the same boring guy?" Sherry asks while winking at a hot guy next table. Sometimes I wonder if she really want to meet me or she is just finding a new way to meet new guy.
"Hei, don't be mean. He is not boring. He is just .... less interesting than yours. BUT, it doesn't mean that he is a boring guy. He is still interesting in some way." I defend for David intuitively.
"Oh really? Have you guys have sex? You know I have been waiting for this good news since last year." Sherry can't bother to put things into nice word. That's how I like her, straight-forward. No twist and turn.
I have been with David for more than a year, without any sex. While Sherry merry-go-round with different guys, I am still with David. Compared to Sherry, I am a much conservative girl that believe sex=marriage philosophy. Sherry lost her virginity to her high school sweetheart while I am saving my last line for my future husband. I don't agree with what she does and she doesn't agree with what I do. However, sometimes I do feel jealous with her happysex life because I look like an old-maid in front of her.
"No....not yet. I just need more time." I answer with my head looking down.
"OMG, you are still a virgin? Seriously, is David a normal guy? How could you two living under the same roof without any spicy action? You betta test him out before you two get married. By any chance if his 'little-bro' is not working well, there goes the rest of your happiness. " Sherry cares for my happiness in such way.
"Of course he is a normal guy. I can feel his little-bro up rising when we were cuddling. It's just that I am not ready for the next step. He respects my decision..." I don't want David to look like a loser. Or worse, me like a loser.
"What are you not ready then? You are no longer an underage. What are you afraid of? Your parents to find out? Please, they are far away in the States, there is no way they can find out unless you confess to them. You wouldn't do such stupid thing, right?" Sherry eagers to have me join her league. Not the merry-go-round type.
"Ok, I will make myself ready as soon as possible! I just need few more time to convince myself, alright?" Finally, I bow to her.
For the rest of the tea session, we enjoy ourselves with gossips and bitching about our boss. This is better than retail or spa therapy to keep ourselves away from work pressure.
However, my mind keep lingering about Sherry's suggestion : test him out.
Should I?
(to be cont.)
Nothing surprising actually. Just like boys talk - girl and sex. Football perhaps, during the league season. Some nerdy one will talk about books and scientific term that you and I will never understand.
Majority, sex.
Sherry and I were sipping our tea (we are not a coffee person) at a cafe along the river. It has been months that we didn't see each other. It is normal for people at our age, where job and family are placed before friends. Lucky (or unlucky) for us, we don't have our own family yet. The job itself is keeping us occupied enough.
"Remember how we used to hang out everyday in school? I can't believe that now we have to actually make an appointment for girl's day out 2 weeks beforehand. This is ridiculous!" That's just typical Sherry. Same complaint every time we meet each other.
We were classmate in primary school. Since then, we have been best friend. We went to the same secondary school, same high school, and even same university. We know literally everything about each other, including our bra size.
"So, any updates?" I skip the whole redundant 'how's life' process and shoot into the main point.
"Not really. New boyfriend. Hot, good on bed, my type. So that's really nothing new." I agree. It would be a news if she has a same guy for months.
"How about you? Still the same boring guy?" Sherry asks while winking at a hot guy next table. Sometimes I wonder if she really want to meet me or she is just finding a new way to meet new guy.
"Hei, don't be mean. He is not boring. He is just .... less interesting than yours. BUT, it doesn't mean that he is a boring guy. He is still interesting in some way." I defend for David intuitively.
"Oh really? Have you guys have sex? You know I have been waiting for this good news since last year." Sherry can't bother to put things into nice word. That's how I like her, straight-forward. No twist and turn.
I have been with David for more than a year, without any sex. While Sherry merry-go-round with different guys, I am still with David. Compared to Sherry, I am a much conservative girl that believe sex=marriage philosophy. Sherry lost her virginity to her high school sweetheart while I am saving my last line for my future husband. I don't agree with what she does and she doesn't agree with what I do. However, sometimes I do feel jealous with her happy
"No....not yet. I just need more time." I answer with my head looking down.
"OMG, you are still a virgin? Seriously, is David a normal guy? How could you two living under the same roof without any spicy action? You betta test him out before you two get married. By any chance if his 'little-bro' is not working well, there goes the rest of your happiness. " Sherry cares for my happiness in such way.
"Of course he is a normal guy. I can feel his little-bro up rising when we were cuddling. It's just that I am not ready for the next step. He respects my decision..." I don't want David to look like a loser. Or worse, me like a loser.
"What are you not ready then? You are no longer an underage. What are you afraid of? Your parents to find out? Please, they are far away in the States, there is no way they can find out unless you confess to them. You wouldn't do such stupid thing, right?" Sherry eagers to have me join her league. Not the merry-go-round type.
"Ok, I will make myself ready as soon as possible! I just need few more time to convince myself, alright?" Finally, I bow to her.
For the rest of the tea session, we enjoy ourselves with gossips and bitching about our boss. This is better than retail or spa therapy to keep ourselves away from work pressure.
However, my mind keep lingering about Sherry's suggestion : test him out.
Should I?
(to be cont.)
25 March 2008
Perfect love position for different height couples
Source: http://choosers.ivillage.com/love/perfect_position/
He’s Tony Parker, I’m Eva Longoria
The Wall Thrust Position
How to do it:
Lean your back against a wall with him standing in front of you. Then, jump up and wrap your legs around his waist and your arms around his neck, all the while keeping your back and head against the wall for stability. He penetrates you in this position, with his legs apart and his hands holding on to your thighs and bottom.
Why you'll love it:
Because he’s holding you, he feels a real sense of power and potency. He can also maintain an erection for longer when he’s standing up because the blood is needed elsewhere in his body, so his erection isn’t as intense. This isn’t bad news -- it means he’s in control enough to spend time concentrating on your pleasure, and the slow teasing and buildup makes his orgasm positively explosive when it actually happens.
He’s noticeably taller than me
Reverse Cowgirl Position
How to do it:
He lies back; you face his feet and lower yourself onto his penis with your knees bent and your calves folded toward him. Hang on to his thighs for support as he lies back and relishes in the steamy sight of your bottom lifting up and down and swinging from side to side before him.
Why you'll love it:
No face-to-face contact means you can feel but not see your partner, which is fabulous for fantasies. You can either sit up or, if you’re feeling naughty, lean forward, resting your weight on your hands to expose both your vulva and anus. But be careful: Leaning forward too enthusiastically will leave both of you feeling oddly empty. That’ll be because his penis has popped out! Also note that this one’s more for him than you -- there’s a visual feast for him but little in the way of clitoral stimulation. On the other hand, turning him on so much is a huge turn-on for you!
We’re around the same size
Doggy Style Position
How to do it:
You kneel on all fours; he stands behind you and penetrates, holding your hips to move you back and forth. Vary the technique by lying facedown, flat on the bed, with your legs spread apart while he lies on top of you and penetrates from behind. If you’re feeling adventurous, try it standing up with him standing behind you and penetrating. Then, lean forward until your hands touch the floor. If it feels like he’s penetrating too deeply, lift your bottom.
Why you'll love it:
This deep penetration is deliciously primitive because it’s the way animals do it. It’s him at his most dominant and you at your most submissive and vulnerable -- which plays nicely into any similarly themed fantasies. The rather pleasant sight of his penis pumping in and out of your vagina visually excites him Your bottom presses against his testicles for additional stimulation, and your orgasm feels extra intense because he’s hitting the sensitive part of your front vaginal wall. He can also easily reach around to play with your clitoris.
He’s Tom Cruise, I’m Nicole Kidman
Woman on Top Position
How to do it:
He lies on his back, his legs outstretched. You straddle him and lower yourself onto his penis, bending your legs at the knees and folding them backward. You can also try squatting. In the basic position, you’re facing him. You have complete control over the depth of penetration, angle and speed. He also has a great view of your body. If this fills you with horror rather than pride, simply lean forward. Vary traditional thrusting by moving in small circles as you’re lifting yourself up and down.
Why you'll love it:
If you’re a fan of front-wall stimulation, home of the G-spot, this position is likely to hit it. Lean backward for a more direct aim. With this technique, it’s also easy to touch your clitoris; lean forward and lift up a little if you want him to do the job for you. Having you on top is great for him too -- his hands are free to caress your breasts, plus he’s treated to the sight of his penis disappearing into your vagina while you do all the work! Lean forward or backward to experience stimulation on different parts of your vaginal wall, and try the position with him sitting in a chair and you on his lap for variation.
He’s Tony Parker, I’m Eva Longoria
The Wall Thrust Position
How to do it:
Lean your back against a wall with him standing in front of you. Then, jump up and wrap your legs around his waist and your arms around his neck, all the while keeping your back and head against the wall for stability. He penetrates you in this position, with his legs apart and his hands holding on to your thighs and bottom.
Why you'll love it:
Because he’s holding you, he feels a real sense of power and potency. He can also maintain an erection for longer when he’s standing up because the blood is needed elsewhere in his body, so his erection isn’t as intense. This isn’t bad news -- it means he’s in control enough to spend time concentrating on your pleasure, and the slow teasing and buildup makes his orgasm positively explosive when it actually happens.
He’s noticeably taller than me
Reverse Cowgirl Position
How to do it:
He lies back; you face his feet and lower yourself onto his penis with your knees bent and your calves folded toward him. Hang on to his thighs for support as he lies back and relishes in the steamy sight of your bottom lifting up and down and swinging from side to side before him.
Why you'll love it:
No face-to-face contact means you can feel but not see your partner, which is fabulous for fantasies. You can either sit up or, if you’re feeling naughty, lean forward, resting your weight on your hands to expose both your vulva and anus. But be careful: Leaning forward too enthusiastically will leave both of you feeling oddly empty. That’ll be because his penis has popped out! Also note that this one’s more for him than you -- there’s a visual feast for him but little in the way of clitoral stimulation. On the other hand, turning him on so much is a huge turn-on for you!
We’re around the same size
Doggy Style Position
How to do it:
You kneel on all fours; he stands behind you and penetrates, holding your hips to move you back and forth. Vary the technique by lying facedown, flat on the bed, with your legs spread apart while he lies on top of you and penetrates from behind. If you’re feeling adventurous, try it standing up with him standing behind you and penetrating. Then, lean forward until your hands touch the floor. If it feels like he’s penetrating too deeply, lift your bottom.
Why you'll love it:
This deep penetration is deliciously primitive because it’s the way animals do it. It’s him at his most dominant and you at your most submissive and vulnerable -- which plays nicely into any similarly themed fantasies. The rather pleasant sight of his penis pumping in and out of your vagina visually excites him Your bottom presses against his testicles for additional stimulation, and your orgasm feels extra intense because he’s hitting the sensitive part of your front vaginal wall. He can also easily reach around to play with your clitoris.
He’s Tom Cruise, I’m Nicole Kidman
Woman on Top Position
How to do it:
He lies on his back, his legs outstretched. You straddle him and lower yourself onto his penis, bending your legs at the knees and folding them backward. You can also try squatting. In the basic position, you’re facing him. You have complete control over the depth of penetration, angle and speed. He also has a great view of your body. If this fills you with horror rather than pride, simply lean forward. Vary traditional thrusting by moving in small circles as you’re lifting yourself up and down.
Why you'll love it:
If you’re a fan of front-wall stimulation, home of the G-spot, this position is likely to hit it. Lean backward for a more direct aim. With this technique, it’s also easy to touch your clitoris; lean forward and lift up a little if you want him to do the job for you. Having you on top is great for him too -- his hands are free to caress your breasts, plus he’s treated to the sight of his penis disappearing into your vagina while you do all the work! Lean forward or backward to experience stimulation on different parts of your vaginal wall, and try the position with him sitting in a chair and you on his lap for variation.
5 signs your date is lying…
Source: http://msn.match.com/msn/article.aspx?articleid=9131&menuid=6&lid=418
By Chelsea Kaplan.
It’s 8:30 p.m., and your date is seriously late for your dinner date. When he finally arrives, he offers you a convoluted explanation of his whereabouts, during which he refuses to look you in the eyes and keeps rubbing his nose. Suspicious that he’s not being completely honest? You should be, says Greg Hartley, author of How to Spot a Liar: Why People Don’t Tell the Truth... and How You Can Catch Them. For hints on how you can discern the truth, consider the following signs as explained by Hartley, a decorated military interrogator who observes these signals to assess the honesty of enemy combatants. Remember, all’s fair in the game of war—and love.
5 signs your date’s hiding something…
1. This person raises his or her eyebrows
You suspect something’s up, and you’ve called her on it. She offers an explanation, ending with that, “You do believe me, don’t you?” look, with eyebrows raised. Hartley says this key body language piece indicates that your date is not being fully honest. He asks,“You know that phrase ‘lying eyes’? A lot of times, it’s more in the lying eyebrows, especially with women, so pay attention to them when she’s speaking to you.”
2. The pace of your date’s answers varies
Though your date may be offering flawless answers to your questions, what may actually give him away is the rate at which he delivers those answers. “Pay attention to inordinate time differences in his answering style,” Hartley suggests. If he rushes to answer when he usually pauses or pauses when he normally rushes, that’s a hint that something is up.”
3. Your date compliments you at an inappropriate time
Hartley says that a man often compliments a woman when he's trying to pull a fast one on her. “If in the middle of his explanation of his whereabouts, he comments on your dress or asks if you just got a haircut, be suspicious,” he says. “Guys who do so are trying to distract you and divert your attention away from their half-truths or other deceptions. Don’t fall for it.”
4. Your date plays with her hair
When a woman is being deceptive, her behavior will actually be quite similar to when she’s seducing you, explains Hartley. “When you think about it, the two actions are somewhat linked, even though they have different motivations behind them,” he says. Therefore, if you’re trying to assess your female date’s honesty, look for a sure sign of seduction: playing with her hair, a historic symbol of sexuality and attraction.
5. Your date wrings his hands
“If a guy is wringing his hands when he’s speaking to you, he may be lying,” Hartley notes. Why is this an indicator of dishonesty? Hand-wringing not only signals stress, an indicator of deception, but his putting his hands in between his body and yours creates a barrier, and a guy creating this kind of barrier is usually hiding something, explains Hartley.
...and 3 signs that your date is being completely truthful
1. Your date is calm, cool and collected
First, let’s assume your date hasn’t been exercising or rushing to meet you, nor is he or she one of those people who just naturally perspire a lot. OK, now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, if your date breaks into a sweat while speaking to you, it could be a sign of stress—the stress of lying. “While dates — especially first dates — are generally stressful situations, if you’ve been together a while, there should be no reason your date should feel much stress and be sweating,” says Hartley, “unless, of course, there’s something that is giving him or her reason to be stressed and sweating.” Like the fact that this person just told you a whopper…
2. He sticks to just the facts, ma’am
Perhaps one of the most common indicators of a lie is a too-detailed explanation. “This is one of the easiest ones to spot, but strangely, one deception that women often fall for,” Hartley notes. Don’t be fooled by his incredible attention to detail or his ability to recount every step he’s taken, he cautions. “A guy who offers you a detailed explanation is almost always lying; in general, guys just don’t recall details—that’s more women’s territory,” he says. “If his story or alibi about where he was or why he was late is ‘too good,’ there’s probably a reason why: He crafted it himself.” If he gives you a simple, short, reasonable explanation, chances are he’s telling you the truth and sees no need to embellish it, Hartley says.
3. She keeps her head up straight
If your date is fibbing, she may look you in the eye, but she’ll almost always cock or tilt her head to one side, Hartley says. “This flirty behavior is both a sign of seduction and lying,” he notes. “With this body language, she’s probably trying to reel you in sexually so as to distract you from her lies,” he says. A woman who’s telling the truth, however, will look at you head-on, he says, with her neck and head as straight as an arrow.
Now that you know these clues, look for them to make sure you’re hanging out with the kind of honest person who is worthy of you and your time!
Chelsea Kaplan’s blog, “I’m Somebody’s Mother?” can be found at www.chelseakaplan.com.
By Chelsea Kaplan.
It’s 8:30 p.m., and your date is seriously late for your dinner date. When he finally arrives, he offers you a convoluted explanation of his whereabouts, during which he refuses to look you in the eyes and keeps rubbing his nose. Suspicious that he’s not being completely honest? You should be, says Greg Hartley, author of How to Spot a Liar: Why People Don’t Tell the Truth... and How You Can Catch Them. For hints on how you can discern the truth, consider the following signs as explained by Hartley, a decorated military interrogator who observes these signals to assess the honesty of enemy combatants. Remember, all’s fair in the game of war—and love.
5 signs your date’s hiding something…
1. This person raises his or her eyebrows
You suspect something’s up, and you’ve called her on it. She offers an explanation, ending with that, “You do believe me, don’t you?” look, with eyebrows raised. Hartley says this key body language piece indicates that your date is not being fully honest. He asks,“You know that phrase ‘lying eyes’? A lot of times, it’s more in the lying eyebrows, especially with women, so pay attention to them when she’s speaking to you.”
2. The pace of your date’s answers varies
Though your date may be offering flawless answers to your questions, what may actually give him away is the rate at which he delivers those answers. “Pay attention to inordinate time differences in his answering style,” Hartley suggests. If he rushes to answer when he usually pauses or pauses when he normally rushes, that’s a hint that something is up.”
3. Your date compliments you at an inappropriate time
Hartley says that a man often compliments a woman when he's trying to pull a fast one on her. “If in the middle of his explanation of his whereabouts, he comments on your dress or asks if you just got a haircut, be suspicious,” he says. “Guys who do so are trying to distract you and divert your attention away from their half-truths or other deceptions. Don’t fall for it.”
4. Your date plays with her hair
When a woman is being deceptive, her behavior will actually be quite similar to when she’s seducing you, explains Hartley. “When you think about it, the two actions are somewhat linked, even though they have different motivations behind them,” he says. Therefore, if you’re trying to assess your female date’s honesty, look for a sure sign of seduction: playing with her hair, a historic symbol of sexuality and attraction.
5. Your date wrings his hands
“If a guy is wringing his hands when he’s speaking to you, he may be lying,” Hartley notes. Why is this an indicator of dishonesty? Hand-wringing not only signals stress, an indicator of deception, but his putting his hands in between his body and yours creates a barrier, and a guy creating this kind of barrier is usually hiding something, explains Hartley.
...and 3 signs that your date is being completely truthful
1. Your date is calm, cool and collected
First, let’s assume your date hasn’t been exercising or rushing to meet you, nor is he or she one of those people who just naturally perspire a lot. OK, now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, if your date breaks into a sweat while speaking to you, it could be a sign of stress—the stress of lying. “While dates — especially first dates — are generally stressful situations, if you’ve been together a while, there should be no reason your date should feel much stress and be sweating,” says Hartley, “unless, of course, there’s something that is giving him or her reason to be stressed and sweating.” Like the fact that this person just told you a whopper…
2. He sticks to just the facts, ma’am
Perhaps one of the most common indicators of a lie is a too-detailed explanation. “This is one of the easiest ones to spot, but strangely, one deception that women often fall for,” Hartley notes. Don’t be fooled by his incredible attention to detail or his ability to recount every step he’s taken, he cautions. “A guy who offers you a detailed explanation is almost always lying; in general, guys just don’t recall details—that’s more women’s territory,” he says. “If his story or alibi about where he was or why he was late is ‘too good,’ there’s probably a reason why: He crafted it himself.” If he gives you a simple, short, reasonable explanation, chances are he’s telling you the truth and sees no need to embellish it, Hartley says.
3. She keeps her head up straight
If your date is fibbing, she may look you in the eye, but she’ll almost always cock or tilt her head to one side, Hartley says. “This flirty behavior is both a sign of seduction and lying,” he notes. “With this body language, she’s probably trying to reel you in sexually so as to distract you from her lies,” he says. A woman who’s telling the truth, however, will look at you head-on, he says, with her neck and head as straight as an arrow.
Now that you know these clues, look for them to make sure you’re hanging out with the kind of honest person who is worthy of you and your time!
Chelsea Kaplan’s blog, “I’m Somebody’s Mother?” can be found at www.chelseakaplan.com.
24 March 2008
How To Talk Dirty
Source: http://sexuality.about.com/od/talkingwithpartners/ht/dirtytalk.htm
Talking dirty to the one you love (or even just the one you’re with) is one of those sexual behaviors people are uncomfortable with the first time they do it, and the first time they do it with a new partner. To do it well means letting loose and exposing yourself, which always feels scary the first time. Here are some steps to getting comfortable with dirty talk, and ideas for introducing into your sex play.
Difficulty: N/A
Time Required: Learning to talk dirty is a labor of love, it takes time!
Here's How:
- Be authentic in your dirty talk.
Dirty talk can feel silly if you expect it to be what you’ve seen in the movies. You might have this idea that dirty talk is something specific. But good dirty talk is completely what you make it, and to do it well, you have to be yourself. While you may take on a role in your dirty talk (e.g. the ravished submissive) you need to find something of yourself in the role. Make a list of different aspects of your personality you can draw on for inspiration. - Find your dirty talk voice.
You need to find your own way of talking dirty. Your dirty talk might be low rhythmic grunts, high pitched squeals, or precise whispers. It might reflect the way you talk in your daily life, or it might express a different aspect of your personality. You don’t need to pick only one voice, the element of surprise can add an extra sense of anticipation, when your partner doesn’t know what they’re going to get an earful of next! - Expand your dirty talk vocabulary.
Most of us are raised not to swear. Dirty talk is your opportunity to pull out all the stops on the foul mouth express. Unless you’re role playing calls for it, avoid clinical terms (like penis). If you’re at a loss, do some research. Both of the books recommended below have lists of words. But you can do research online, by reading some raunchy erotica, or in some cases watching porn (although the dirty talk in porn tends to be unimaginative). - Practice dirty talk when you're alone.
Carol Queen, author of the highly recommended Exhibitionism for the Shy , suggests starting on your own, talking dirty while you masturbate. Fantasize about having sex with your partner and talking dirty to them. You can start by doing it in your head, but eventually do it out loud. - Establish ground rules with your partner.
One of the reasons many of us don’t talk dirty is fear of sounding ridiculous, or being put down or rejected by a partner. It’s important to set some rules when you’re willing to take risks like this. Rules like no laughing at one another, and no judgment are important. In the heat of the moment anything can come out of your mouth, and you need to know that your partner is respectful of the ways that can be exposing. - Start slow the first time.
Don’t feel you have to rush right into elaborate verbal gymnastics. A great way to start with dirty talk is to describe out loud what is happening during sex. Things like “I love the way your hand feels in my….” Or “Your …feels so good on/in my…” Describe what’s happening and how it feels in your body. You can also experiment by telling your partner something you’re going to do to them, or something you want them to do to you. - Experiment with your voice.
Most of us take for granted all the different things we can do with our voice, and the impact these changes have. Experiment with speed, how fast you talk. Some things call for a staccato barrage, while some things are best said slowly. Change the volume of your voice, try whispering, try screaming, try everything in the middle. Also play with the tenor of your voice. You can sound commanding and harsh, trembling and uncertain, and everywhere in between. - Make dirty talking a two way conversation.
Once you’ve taken the risk and initiated talking dirty with your partner, ask them to do the same. It isn’t for everyone, and you might find that you like doing it more than hearing it (or vice versa). But being on the receiving and the giving end of dirty talk can give you a different perspective on it, plus you may learn a few things from your partner you didn’t already know.Updated April 28, 2006.
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